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Chuck Norris Witze???

    • Jayston
      Dabei seit: 14.07.2005 Beiträge: 9.369
      Andauernd werden hier Witze (Pokerwitze) mit/über Chuck Norris gemacht! Wollte mal nachfragen was es damit auf sich hat. Gibts da nen Grund für? Wer hat damit angefangen?


      "Chuck Norris won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly Card, a 2 of Clubs, 7 of Spades and a green #4 card from the Game UNO."

      "Die einzige Hand die einen Royal Flush schlagen kann ist Chuck Norris' Hand"

  • 20 Antworten
    • Macc
      Dabei seit: 22.01.2006 Beiträge: 1.607

      Wird vorzüglich von Leuten, die wahrscheinlich noch nie nen Film mit Chuck gesehen haben, zitiert.
    • Btah1
      Dabei seit: 10.04.2006 Beiträge: 534
      lol wie kaputt :D
    • GoreHound
      Dabei seit: 29.07.2006 Beiträge: 14.153
      When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

      Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

      If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till."
      After you ask, "Two seconds till what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

      Chuck Norris uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

      Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

      There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Chuck Norris.

      There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

      It was once believed that Chuck Norris actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Chuck Norris himself to lure more pirates to him.

      Chuck Norris once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Chuck roundhouse kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

      When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one Thanksgiving, Chuck said, "Don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back five minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up a few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce. When his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to the face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."

      Those aren't credits that roll after Walker Texas Ranger; it is actually a list of people that Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked in the face that day.

      If you unscramble the letters in "Chuck Norris" you get "Huck corn, sir." That is why every fall, Chuck travels to Nebraska and burns the entire state down.

      Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

      Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

      Chuck Norris does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

      Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

      When Chuck Norris plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

      Chuck Norris built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Chuck met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

      Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

      A man once asked Chuck Norris if his real name is "Charles". Chuck Norris did not respond, he simply stared at him until he exploded.

      Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

      Chuck Norris can make a woman climax by simply pointing at her and saying "booya".

      Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

      Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

      The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

      After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. His reasoning? It was more "humane".

      Chuck Norris often asks people to pull his finger. When they do, he roundhouses them in the abdomen. Then he farts.

      Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

      If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris you may be only seconds away from death.

      Chuck Norris took my virginity, and he will sure as hell take yours. If you're thinking to yourself, "That's impossible, I already lost my virginity." then you are dead wrong.

      Chuck Norris uses a live rattle snake for a condom.

      Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die before they attack.

      Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!" and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f--k with Chuck!" Two years and five months later he realized the irony of this statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile radius of the blast went deaf.

      Chuck Norris appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

      There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.

      Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

      The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

      Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice!

      Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus

      When a girl sucks Chuck Norris' cock she doesnt suck his cock, Chuck Norris' cock sucks the girl

      When Chuck Norris falls into water, he doesn't become wet. The water becomes chuck norris.

      In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

      Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

      Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

      Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

      It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

      Chuck Norris was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Chuck omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

      The Titantic did not hit an Iceberg, Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a hole in it, leaving everyone to perish.

      There are no such things as earth quakes, it's only Chuck Norris eating lunch

      God wanted to create the world in 10 days, Chuck norris gave him 6.

      Chuck Norris does not lie. If something he says is not true it becomes true.
    • MaxP0W3R
      Dabei seit: 16.02.2006 Beiträge: 124
      Da ht sich voll der Internetkult gebildet.

      Es fallen immer die Schlagworte Cuck Norris und Roundhouse Kick#

      ka wie es dazu kam, aber seitdem muss der Typ für alle Witze in allen Bereichen herhalten
    • stone4ge
      Dabei seit: 22.01.2006 Beiträge: 276
      Ich finde das lustig.

      Gibt das selbe mit Jack Bauer von 24.
    • SlannesH
      Dabei seit: 23.01.2005 Beiträge: 7.738
      Gbits auch ein paar mitm DEM hoff ;) .

      Der Grund war afaik die überhebliche Art der Schauspieler. Kommt ja auch in den Witzen immer wieder raus, das der/die Schauspieler DIE wesen auf unserer Welt sind, wie sie sich in den Filmen auch oft geben.

    • Arndt
      Dabei seit: 11.07.2006 Beiträge: 279
      Aber chuck norris can`t dodge bullets!

      Das kann nur einer.......
    • incognito
      Dabei seit: 24.02.2006 Beiträge: 2.728
      angefangen hat das glaub ich mit conan o'brian, der immer ausschnitte aus walker, texas ranger gezeigt hat, die saulustig waren, weil's einfach total schlecht ist.
    • ZarvonBar
      Dabei seit: 21.03.2006 Beiträge: 33.551
      Chuck Norris schlägt Frauen!

    • FjodorM
      Dabei seit: 14.02.2006 Beiträge: 11.238
      Original von GoreHound

      Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

      Der gefällt mir am besten.
    • GoreHound
      Dabei seit: 29.07.2006 Beiträge: 14.153
      ja... der is geil ^^
    • nikorw
      Dabei seit: 03.08.2006 Beiträge: 7.620
    • breathingslow
      Dabei seit: 21.02.2006 Beiträge: 4.004


    • frzl
      Dabei seit: 25.04.2006 Beiträge: 9.876
      Original von Arndt
      Aber chuck norris can`t dodge bullets!
      hmpf wieso sollte er auch :)
    • Crouch123
      Dabei seit: 11.07.2006 Beiträge: 751
      Meine Signatur gabs vor diesem Thread :D
    • BennyTK
      Dabei seit: 16.02.2006 Beiträge: 1.644
      hat mal jemand voll auf die nüsse gesehen? da spielt chuck norris auch mit - achso ich kenne einen der den mal gekannt hat über kampfsport ;) hab sogar nen original autogramm hier *prahl*
    • proudcastle
      Dabei seit: 28.05.2005 Beiträge: 3.483
      Chuck Norris liest seine eigenen Facts!

    • Jayston
      Dabei seit: 14.07.2005 Beiträge: 9.369
      Vol geil das Video! Kann mir mal kurz jemand den letzten Fact (sein Lieblingsfact) erklären? Den hab ich nicht verstaden.. Irgendwas mit Mount Rushmore und Bier...
    • benjo
      Dabei seit: 15.01.2005 Beiträge: 1.873
      beard nicht beer.
      er meinte,sie wollten sein gesicht in den mount rushmore "hämmern" aber der granit war nicht hard genug für seinen bart
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